Vain.

When I was first diagnosed, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t be just another bald girl with cancer.

That no matter how hard things got, or how many people stared I would be strong and resilient…proud of myself for making it this far.

Once again, dear friends, I have found myself and my best intentions strewn around me, and I hate to admit what I am going to share with you today.

In spite of everything that has happened since December, the thing that I struggle with more than anything is my outward appearance.
My body has been morphed into something unrecognizable by steroids, my hair has long been missing from my head, and I struggle daily with the fine line between vanity and sanity.

I feel as though my femininity has been ripped away. It upsets me because I am 20 years old and should be carefree on the beach in a bikini…because Darling Hubby and I should have our first year of marriage immortalized in a thousand perfect pictures rather than pain and tears…because I want to be attractive for my spouse…because I am ashamed that I am vain and prideful in spite of everything I should be thankful for.

Then I find myself reminded of what an awesome God we serve.
Does He not always meet us right where we are?
Does He not care about our hearts?
Does He not reach out to mend all that is broken in our lives?

He is the One that knows my sorrows, my fears, my pains, and He cares.
Greater is He than anything that is in me.

Long after my hair has grown back, my body becomes my own again, and this cancer is gone from my body He will still be greater than everything.

Through him, I find comfort and solace.